Two Tony's  (Episode 53)

"Forget the way Tony Soprano makes his way in the world. That's to feed his children. There's two Tony Sopranos...you've never seen that other one...That's the one I want to show you." As the fifth season opens, Carmela finds that in addition to Tony's resentment about the breakup, she's bearing the brunt of A.J.'s as well. She accuses Tony of withholding money from her while buying things for A.J. - like a five thousand dollar drum set - to relieve his own guilt. For Tony's part, despite his anger that "my wife was going after some fucking immigrant," he worries about Carmela and A.J. being alone. When he hears that a bear has been foraging in the backyard, Tony has Benny Fazio and Little Paulie Germani take turns guarding the house with an AK-47.

Rat Pack  (Episode 54)

"What kind of person does that? It's like Judas or something. Eating that last supper with Jesus and the whole time he knows they're gonna crucify him. I mean, at least Judas didn't go into any apostle protection program. He hung himself. He knew what he did." On the eve of the opening of the Museum of Science and Trucking, Tony meets Jack Massarone at Napoleon's Diner. Massarone, as a gesture of "gratitude for all our work together," gives Tony a gift, a garish painting of the Rat Pack, and then gets down to business. He's concerned about the status of their next venture and prods Tony to articulate the details. Tony, as usual, is tight-lipped - which is a good thing, as FBI agents are eavesdropping, courtesy of a tiny microphone in Massarone's cap.

Where's Johnny?  (Episode 55)

"He never had the makings of a varsity athlete." Because Carmine Lupertazzi died without naming his successor, Johnny Sack is moving quickly and ruthlessly to take over the New York organization. When "lady shylock" Lorraine Calluzzo twice ignores instructions to kick up to him instead of Little Carmine, Johnny sends Phil Leotardo to set her straight. Leotardo binds Lorraine, places a phone book over her chest and then fires his revolver into it. "It's her lucky day," Leotardo proclaims as he flips pages looking for the bullet, "Only made it to the R's." Then he whispers in her ear, "Next time there'll be no next time."

All Happy Families  (Episode 56)

"They go around complimenting you on your new shoes, tell you you're not going bald. Do you think they really care? You're the boss. They're scared of you. They have to kiss your ass and laugh at your stupid jokes." The burgeoning turf battle between Johnny Sack and Little Carmine has claimed its first casualties: Lorraine Calluzzo and her strongman, Jason Evanima. With Phil Leotardo acting as lookout, Billy Leotardo and Joe Peeps coldly and efficiently shot them to death. When Little Carmine learns of the hit, Angelo Garepe counsels restraint; but another associate, Rusty Millio, adamantly disagrees. "We'll steam roll right over John," he tells Little Carmine, "And I predict the guys on the street...they'll welcome us as fuckin' heroes."

Irregular Around the Margins  (Episode 57)

"Everybody knows you been the biggest fuckin' cooze hound around the last four or five years. Your mid-life crisis. You'd fuck a catcher's mitt." Adriana and Agent Sanseverino are taking one of their clandestine car rides when Adriana mentions that Tony has been spending a lot of time at her club, Crazy Horse. "You think it might be because of you?" Sanseverino asks. Offended by the implication, Adriana tersely replies, "I am not going to blow this guy for your sick purposes." Then she gets sick herself, clutching her abdomen and telling Sanseverino that she has go to the bathroom - "number 2" - NOW. The interrogation ends abruptly as Sanseverino pulls up to a gas station and Adriana bolts for the ladies room.

Sentimental Education  (Episode 58)

"From now on, anytime somebody steps in a pile of shit - it's gonna be called a 'Blundetto Struggling with two huge laundry bags, Tony Blundetto sets his foot on the back of his Kim's Southside Laundry truck. Just as he's about to heave in the bags, the motor starts; the truck lurches away and Tony B. falls backward onto the street. He manages to get up and give chase, only to trip and scrape his shin, leaving it a raw, bloody mess. When he gets back to the laundry, his boss, Sungyon Kim, is convinced Tony B. masterminded the theft. "Believe me," he snarls, "I no forget you professional criminal."

In Camelot  (Episode 59)

"There's no chemical solution to a spiritual problem." Junior is quietly basking in the sun when Tony interrupts his reverie. "Long as we're here," Tony says, "I was gonna visit my father if you wanna join me." The two of them - along with the rest of the extended family - are at the cemetery for Tony's Aunt Concetta's funeral. But Junior, on furlough from house arrest, begs off. "Five hours they let me out for these funerals," he says, "I'm gonna spend it bein' maudlin?" Tony is taken aback by his uncle's attitude until Bobby explains, "It's those uptake inhibitors...his mood really improved." (But it's not just the medication that's made Junior jollier; it's being out of the house. He soon has his attorney petitioning for his release for nearly every Italian funeral within driving distance.)

Marco Polo  (Episode 60)

"When I first got out of the joint I thought an airbag was Paulie Walnuts." Little Carmine is squiring Angelo Garepe and Jerry Basile, a New York made man, around his posh new home. "The house sang out to us of both Miami and Taormina, where we had our honeymoon," he explains, "We had to snap it up." Carmine didn't invite Basile over just to sip espresso and admire his "trumpay la oil" ocean vista, however. He wants Basile's allegiance and to that end he gives him a gift, a brand new, top-of-the-line washing machine. But just as Carmine is assuring Basile that "you and me are gonna do great things together," he is informed that his cabin cruiser, which is docked not far from its owner's dream house has sunk. He is clearly not happy about it.

Unidentified Black Males  (Episode 61)

"I thought I was smart and that's why I bumped him up and protect him. Turns out I'm still just a fucking robot to my own pussy-ass weakness." On a sweltering afternoon, the two Tonys are watching a Mets game on the tube. When Tony B. goes to get a beer, Tony S. notices he's favoring his right foot. "Two black guys jumped me outside a bar," Tony B. explains. Later, when Tony S. is playing golf with Johnny Sack, he asks whether there's any news on the Joe Peeps shooting. All Johnny can offer is that "some homeless fuck saw a guy limping away" from the murder scene. Soon after that Tony suffers an anxiety attack and collapses on the tee box.

Cold Cuts  (Episode 62)

"Our bodies are 86 percent water. His last blood test he was 65 percent zeppola." At a warehouse on the Hackensack River, Vincent "Vinny Pitts" Pitsaturo and Terry Doria are getting restless. They've been waiting for Johnny Sack's guys to deliver a shipment of Vespa scooters that are to be split between Johnny and Tony. When they sit up all night with no scooters to show for it, Tony wants to know why. Johnny innocently claims he never received the scooters and, despite Tony's skepticism, he stands firm. "Lots of things didn't happen that seem like they happened," he says, "Your cousin didn't whack Joey, the Vespas didn't get into my hands."